Oh goodness, what a year it has been so far. I know I'm not the only one who has felt a lot of pressure this year so far. The pressure to reach a new level, heal from past demons and traumas, pressure to show up for myself in an extraordinary way, pressure to lose weight... the list goes on and on. But to sum it all up, the pressure comes down to expecting myself to have my sh*t together all at once, reach all my goals quickly and never disappoint myself. But that ain't how life works. I'm not perfect and neither are the people in my life. 

And that is what I need to constantly remind myself, that extending grace to others, and especially to myself is a skill that I am eager to master. I am starting to realize that consistently showing up for yourself can only be sustained once we learn how to forgive ourselves for showing up in the manner we wish. Quite a paradox, don't you think. The healthiest way to stop disappointing ourselves is to accept that we will disappoint ourselves from time to time and quickly enact self-forgiveness.

We are all just doing our best to figure it out. Every adult I know is dealing with intense external pressures... so why do we manage to add more pressure by beating ourselves up? And having crazy-high expectations for ourselves and for others isn't healthy or helpful. But that doesn't mean that abandoning our boundaries is ok either. That's the dance I'm trying to figure out: extending grace while also upholding boundaries and learning how to hold my own hand through hard chapters. I have NOT figured out how to do this yet, but I am taking small steps each and every day to slowly master this. So here are just a few ways I try to cut myself some slack when things get hard and heavy.

How I extend myself grace when I disappoint myself or just feel overwhelmed: 

1. I gravitate towards a mental health/ mindset podcast. One of my absolute favorites was Imani State of Mind. She no longer records, but I still go back to binge listen to her 38 episodes. Dr. Imani is a psychiatrist who candidly talked about all traumas we were collectively experiencing but she and her co-podcaster always managed to discuss these serious topics with a refreshing note of humor. I also love the School of Self Image Podcast. Whenever I listen to one of Tonya's mindset-focused episodes, I instantly feel lighter. She is ALL about extending ourselves grace. 

2. Journal and cry. There's no way around this. It's inevitable. I tend to bottle up a lot of emotions and then I implode and then I sink into a funk after imploding. And I hate this habit of mine. It's one I have to actively work against. It also got the best of me this weekend and that is because I have been avoiding a lot of my tense emotions. I was even using my alcohol cleanse as a shield from my emotions. Because I wasn't drinking, I was filling a lot of my time with what I thought were productivity activities. But in reality, I was keeping myself super busy and shoving all my fear, pain, guilt, anxiety, shame, anger, frustrations and overwhelm deep down and telling myself that everything was fine. Lol nah it wasn't. So once again, I was reminded that I need to journal and process my emotions. 

3. Do the bare minimum for a day or two. Ok, here me out, sometimes, when you are feeling really low and exhausted (for me that's always after a day of over-drinking and only a few hours of sleep lol Nia when will you learn?) you really need to accept that your best today is not going to be amazing. The only thing you can do is take it one task at a time and not freak out about the results of whatever you are working towards. 

4. Set a timer and clean for 15 minutes. Put on music and clean. You will feel better. You just will. 

5. I cook an easy, yet relatively, healthy meals and just focus on leisurely enjoying them. This is one of my favorite tricks because it makes me feel like I'm taking care of myself. So even if I don't get anything else on my to-do list done that day, at least I took care of my body and I saved money by cooking at home. 

Idk about you, but I certainly keep creating the same problems in my life over and over because I am still struggling to grant myself grace. I am learning that life will always put pressure on us, but the more grace we extend towards ourselves, the more pressure we can endure, and baby, diamonds are born out of pressure. We can totally do this. Wishing you all the love and a peaceful Sunday! 

Photo by Ellieelien

And just like that, another year has come and gone. I am so grateful that my friends, family and myself made it through the year. Last year brought highs and lows for all of us. Last year, it felt like all I could do was survive. I ignored a lot of my problems and let fear guide my actions. And letting fear control me did NOT set me up for success. But for the first time ever, I had this week between Christmas and NYE off. Although I still logged on for a few tasks daily, instead of using this week to "get my life together" and set really high, overwhelming expectations for myself, I spent time mentally and physically resting, like a lot. 

And instead of running from the fear and pain, I embraced it. It wasn't fun in the midst; actually it really f*cking sucked, but I now feel so relieved. And best of all, by embracing my pain and fear, I also have a new sense of courage. Not because my fear and anxiety about the future magically disappeared. I'm still freaking terrified. I have a lot to focus on and a lot to build, but the courage comes from being scared and taking action anyway. showing up for myself, my friends, and my family anyway. Paving my own way in my career, love life and personal life based on my own rules and not what society tells me I should do. 

I'm curious and slowly getting excited for what this year will bring. Last year, I really struggled with maintaining faith in myself and the path of life I'm on. But now I'm ready to pour back into myself and my spirituality. This year my intention is to work on rebuilding my faith. Faith in myself, faith in my spiritual life, faith in my career path, and faith in the relationships I build with others. And a lesson that I've learned the hard way is that, in order for me to have faith in myself and in life, I have to stop biting off more than I can chew. I need to build without burning out. Slowly but surely, step by step, I'll build the positive mental mindset I need to create the life I want, and so will you. We can do this. Cheers to a year full of love, safety, and prosperity. Until next time my friend. 

Photo by Jan Romero

Oops, another month soared by and I unintentionally took a hiatus from my beloved blog. As you can see, consistency is a skill I'm still trying to master. Oy, at least I have something to work towards its month. But it feels sooo good to sit down and dedicate time to putting my thoughts and creative passions on virtual paper. And today, I want to focus on making a savvy bucket list to celebrate the holiday season. 

We all know how stressful this time of year can be between the busy work season, family obligations and the heavy cost of the gift-giving and travel season BUT that is not what we are focusing on this year. We are not going to live in a state of stress, burn-out, or fear this year! We are going to find small (and sometimes grand) ways to celebrate every single day for the month of December. 

I truly do love this time of year. There's beauty everywhere we look, and although a lot of us are experiencing grief in some shape or form, there is something powerful about embracing the highs and the lows of the season. No matter what chapter of life you're in right now, I am wishing that each day has a little magic in it. 

1. Watch a holiday-themed episode of your favorite sitcom to wind down from the day. 
2. DECORATE!! If you haven’t already! Or stock up on amazon
3. Play christmas music & make a festive cocktail 
4. Fun ornament shopping - I love finding a new, quirky ornament each year for the tree!
5. Holiday movie marathon + drinking game if you want to step it up a notch
6. Grab or make fancy hot chocolate and look at holiday lights/ holiday displays
7. Read a holiday book in a cozy environment 
8. Puzzle party!! Aka drink wine and out together fun winter puzzles
9. Get dressed up to the nines for no freaking reason and go to a fancy dinner... or a frugal dinner or just out to drinks - all are fun!
10. Holiday photoshoot
11. Holiday market day!! 
12. Explore a new hood with pretty lights 
13. Holiday botanical gardens! 
14. See the rockettes or a holiday play (or stream online with snacks)
15. Put on a holiday movie while having an at home spa day 
16. Fun holiday-themed nails like these!!
17. Have a baking day while blasting holiday music
18. Go shopping for others & donate toys/clothing + adopt a family 
19. Volunteer day
20. Holiday brunch with friends! 
21. Wear a festive holiday sweater 
22. Make a fun holiday craft - like wreath building, stocking decorating, ornament decorating day!! 
23. Have a game night! 
24. Visit a museum 
25. Dress up for the ballet or opera!! Dress up even if you just stream it from home
26. Bonus Activities: Head to a cute coffee shop and set goals/intentions for the new year 
27. Leave treats for your local delivery people 
28. Festive breakfast for dinner! 
29. Treat yourself to something luxe you’ve had your eyes on
30. Clean out your closet or a cluttered area to make room for the new year! 
31. Stay in pjs all day!! 
32. Host or go to holiday high tea!! 
33. Head to the movies and sneak in your favorite snacks
34. Sit by a cozy fire and make smores 
1. Don’t have a fireplace or a backyard? Grab a city bonfire (portable bonfire in a candle-like form) or head to a local spot that has a fireplace 
35. Check out a festive bar and grab a spectacular drink 
36. Hunt for the perfect Christmas tree
37. Do a random act of kindness 
38. Write a letter to santa - aka yourself cuz we grown-ass adults! But write a letter about everything you want in the next year and how proud of yourself you are 
39. Give a gift to a complete stranger 

Wow, I blinked at it went from being June to the 2nd weekend of October.. like HOW? October is by far my favorite month. but sadly, I have been too busy just trying to keep my head above water to deep dive into fall. Luckily, I finally have a chill weekend. I, like most of the American population, have been go-go-go since summer. I hit the ground running and kind of burned out (emotionally, physically, and financially - yeah traveling so much really drained my bank account). So I am beyond excited to have a nice, restful, and frugal weekend in the city to grant my mind, body, soul, and bank account the proper TLC it needs. 

But more importantly, I'm excited to have a low-key weekend because I finally have the time and energy (energy being the keyword here) to work on the projects I love and to organize the chaos that has taken over my apartment. Personally, my mental well-being is heavily tied to the tidiness of my surroundings, being organized, and working on the creative projects that feed my soul. Having the energy to do the things I want and need to do is probably the biggest obstacle I consistently face. But a crisp, fall weekend to myself offers the perfect opportunity to recharge and rest. 

My one goal for this month is to break my cycle of not showing up for myself on the weekends. Working a 9 to 5 (let's be honest, it's never just 9-5 for most of us) and heading to the gym/dance after work and then coming home to cook, clean, work on my creative projects, work a second job to generate extra forms of income so I'm not stuck in Corporate America for the next 40 fucking years, and get 7-8 hours of sleep ... that is just something I cannot handle at the moment. 

So instead of biting off more than I can chew and getting upset with myself when I'm too exhausted to do all the things after work, I'm setting manageable expectations. For now, the weekends are my holy grail. The weekends will be dedicated to me going after what I want in my career and getting my mind, soul and physical surroundings in order. Then, once I feel like I can handle incorporating my weekend rituals into my weekday routine, I'll move on to the next level and will be able to dedicate even more time to creating a life I am excited about. 

But for now, I will appreciate the chapter I'm in and be kind to myself. I'm excepting that I only have a limited amount of energy right now and that I cannot accomplish all of my goals as quickly as I would like to. But that's ok. I'm retraining my brain to relish in the here and now. To find the beauty in just accomplishing one of the 5 million things on my to-do list. And to find more fulfillment while I'm on this path to creating the life I want. 

So what activities do I have planned for my wellness weekends? Well let's see: 

• Slow mornings filled with slowly enjoying my coffee and breakfast 
• Cleaning the kitchen, living room, and bathroom 
• Decorate for fall/Halloween
• Cook delicious yet healthy meals at home
• Sitting down to write, filming fashion looks, creating inspiring content 
• Cleaning out my closet and switching over to a fall wardrobe that I'm excited about 
• Putting up laundry 
• Watching all the fun Halloween movies & shows with a bottle of wine nearby 
• Deep conditioning my hair 
• Selling clothes I no longer want or fit into 
• Putting together my digital portfolio 
• Researching and creating strategic business plans and content calendars 
• Journaling and becoming clear on my vision and dreams so I can escape the toxic cycles I'm in that don't serve me.