Mental Spring Cleaning

April 16, 2021


Bianka Csenki 

I love that spring usually brings a new wave of energy and a sense of new beginnings. I am so eager to leave the past versions of myself right in the freaking past... but I’d be a bold-faced liar if I tried to pretend like I wasn’t still struggling to overcome a lot of counter-productive (and sometimes straight-up toxic) behavior while constantly freaking out about the future. It ain’t a fun mental place to live at, let me tell you that. There are so many self-sabotaging habits that I am to leave behind such as (drumroll please)
  • Overspending/ignoring my budget - like Nia STOOPPPP IT!!! 
  • Wasting each weekend away by drinking and over socializing instead of focusing on my dreams. I want a healthy balance of socializing and having fun while also setting aside time to focus on my goals
  • Smoking weed or drinking instead of dealing with my problems. Weed is legal here, so in moderation, it's great!  But when I use it to avoid my emotions... then it becomes an issue.
  • Emotionally eating... yeah, this has always been an issue for me, but it really ramped up during covid. 
  • Procrastinating on my dreams. This is the worst bad habit of them all because it is the catalyst that leads me to all the other terrible habits I turn to in order to distract myself from feeling disappointed in myself... lol, oops. 
  • Giving guys who don’t act like gentlemen or are just not good fits for me a second chance. As each day passes, the more appealing it sounds to just start a family on my own in 5 to 7 years and just avoid the dating drama. And if I get a puppy, then I won't feel lonely. 
  • Staying up past my bedtime on weeknights! I know that staying up late is like a domino effect for disaster. Because then I wake up late, destroy my room looking for everything in a frenzy and skip my morning routine. Then I spend money on unhealthy food because I don't have enough time to make food before running to the office (I go into the office 2/3 of the week) and maybe skip the gym if I'm too tired after work. Yeah... I need to break the cycle. 
I mean, the list could go on and on. There are lots of things about myself I’d love to work on so I can make myself happy and show up as the woman I want to be in this world. But as I grow older and wiser, I’m learning that the only way to grow into the next vibrant, successful, fulfilled version of myself, I have to be patient with myself and give myself way more grace than I think I deserve. And more importantly, I need to nurture and protect my spiritual energy and fuel my soul with the right people, places, and things.

So I sat down and made a list of the things I need to prioritize weekly in order to feel at peace. But unlike in the past where I create these unrealistic expectations for myself and then feel disappointed with myself when I don’t meet them, I’m making a rule for myself that I only have to do one thing a day to move in the right direction. Just one!!

And then once I am in a space where I have more energy and more self-trust, I can kick things up a notch. But for now, slow and steady is the only way I’m going to win my race. Fuck everyone else on social media. Fuck comparing our journeys, our timelines, our milestones to theirs. We don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes and tbh, focusing on them is just distracting us from focusing on our own fabulous lives!

I love creating little brain dumps of things that bring me joy and that keep me on track to becoming the woman I know I can be (aka a woman with healthy habits). These are the things that I need to do each week in order to feel proud of myself:

  • Dance class (by far one of my favorites!)
  • ⁃Cardio workout class like Pilates, Ass & Abs or a HITT class
  • Biweekly photoshoots (plan shoot one week and create content the next week)
  • One blog post a week. I miss proving to myself that I can be consistent with something that brings me so much joy and moves my career in the right direction. 
  • BUDGET!! It’s time to be an adult and say no to overspending and yes to focusing on my financial freedom journey.
  • Weekly bedroom clean-up; the messy chaos I’ve been living in does not breed a tranquil environment.
  • Weekly meal prep - this is imperative for my fitness journey and my financial wellbeing. 
  • Daily morning and bedtime guided meditations/short inspiration sessions through sanity and self. I actually can’t fall asleep without this app. It helps me ward off my nightly anxiety spirals about being poor, homeless, or single for the rest of my life (lol anxiety is a hoot, isn’t it).

We will experience so many chapters in life, and not all of them are comfortable. But that’s just a sign that we are on the path to greatest and growing... because growth in itself is uncomfortable. We are being pulled to a higher level each time that pit in our stomach tells us to run towards that thing that terrifies but also energizes us. Our new sense of self is right around the corner. I can’t wait to step into the version of myself that smiles every time I look in the mirror... in fact, I think today is that day.  Yesterday I was 100% ready to smash my mirror because I didn't like what I saw, and I don't like treating myself that way. I'm done with the self-mistreatment  Loving ourselves the right way is a full-time job, but it’s the most important job we will ever have.

What’s on your mental spring cleaning list this season? Sending you all the love and self-care in the world today. Welcome to our new season of loving ourselves to the fullest. We're in this together. 

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