Sunday Reads:How I'm Overcoming a Negative Mindset + Weekly Finds

September 29, 2019

Photo by Oscar Nord 

I'm starting to realize more and more each week that our attitudes can truly make or break our levels of happiness each day. Obviously, this is a "wise piece of advice" that we've all heard so many times. We just roll our eyes whenever some talks about the importance of attitude in a ted talk, podcast or we see an inspirational quote about it. I admit, I was stubborn for a very long time and didn't want to put in the effort to truly fix my attitude. It requires so much effort to stay positive and to manage our thoughts! We have so many of them every day, and honestly, most of my thoughts have been pretty freaking negative for most of 2019.

I felt like my circumstance should change first, and then I'll be more positive after I get "what I deserve," whatever that even means. After all, I work my butt off and put in a lot of effort in so many areas of my life, so where the fuck is the pay-off? This has been my train of thought. And I've spent a lot of time being angry, hostile and upset... but that really isn't working for me anymore. As I sat on my balcony, writing this post, something just clicked in my head. No, my life isn't anywhere near as put together as I would like for it to be. But repeating this cycle of having a great breakthrough, then having a setback, and then being disappointed in myself for not staying on track every single freaking day without accounting for the fact that I'm human and will always make mistakes is putting me in such a funk week after week. Do you see how self-destructive that train of thought is?

I've also been struggling with thinking that external circumstances will totally change my life and solve all of my problems. Once I make more money, find the right loving partner, grow my business, travel more, save more money, pay off all my debt, send more money home to help with my brother's insane medical bills, put more effort into my looks, get a dog, then I'll finally be happy. But once again, this is a toxic mentality to have because after I achieve all of this, I'll just have more goals and different problems. Why? Because problems are forever. Discomfort will always be a part of our lives, so I should stop trying to "fix all my problems" in such a neurotic manner. Like why do I crave instant gratification so much? I guess that's a topic for my therapist and me to dive into in October.

Will I ever stop pursuing my goals and dreams? Hell no! I think having something to strive for makes life sooo much more meaningful, but I am ready to change my attitude and stop resisting the fact that life will always have uncomfortable circumstances as we navigate adulthood. Dating in 2019 is fucking uncomfortable. Achieving more in our careers is fucking uncomfortable. Nurturing a mature and healthy, romantic relationship requires a lot of sacrifices, which is fucking uncomfortable. Getting out of debt is fucking uncomfortable... you get the point.

But also, changing our mindset is uncomfortable. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done because I have to work so hard at it, like every single fucking day, oy. But there's nothing else I'd rather put my energy into because if my mind isn't right, I'm so miserable and depressed. And when I get in a really dark space, it's hard for me to function, even on the smallest level. This is why I spend so much time listening to podcasts, reading self-help/career books and going to my dance classes and workout classes. I also understand that as life gets more and more stressful, I have to add more things to my wellness routine ie., reading more, writing and journaling more, creating more, exploring new neighborhoods and towns more, SAVING MORE MONEY, going to more cultural and networking events, dating myself more and spending more time in nature. Essentially, I have to take care of myself even when I'm exhausted and want to stay in bed all day. And you do too, booboo.

I hope you set aside 10 minutes today to make a small list of the most impactful activities you should add to your weekly routine to help you recharge. Maybe you spend your Friday nights having an at-home spa night instead of going out drinking. Maybe you go to Hobby Lobby or Michael's and pick up a few crafts to start working on. Maybe you set a weekly reminder to go read, paint or draw in the park for 30 minutes every Sunday. IDGAF what you add to your list, as long as it doesn't cost a lot of money and it helps you feel energized. It's ok if you only have one thing on your list for now, but as you start to prioritize your spiritual wellness more, you'll discover more activities that make you feel warm and giddy inside.

We can't keep overdrinking, overspending or overeating to avoid our utter misery - things I've been doing every freaking weekend this month, and these toxic patterns have been throwing me so off-balance. I'd rather accept that I have a lot of work and growth ahead of me, and that's not something I should feel ashamed about anymore. More money, a meaningful relationship, financial freedom and the ability to help my family navigate the insane health issue that has changed my brother's life will enter my life at the right time. In the meantime, I'll train myself to appreciate navigating these uncomfortable seasons, because once I conquer this season, I truly believe I'll be an unstoppable force and will be able to contribute to making the world a much better place.  I have a feeling you'll be an unstoppable force too.

Woo; ok! Thanks for listening to my soap opera today. Now, here are a few things I've seen around the web lately that I think are worth mentioning. Hope you enjoy, and I hope you realize how much your support means to me! We are so going to make the rest of 2019 our bitch and add so much magic to our lives.

Favorite Finds and Links of the Week

Weekend Agenda: 3 Things to do this weekend to reset

September 14, 2019


So I have a confession. I used to be one of those people who felt hella anxious if I didn't have weekend plans when I first moved to NYC. I felt like such a loser if I didn't have a packed social schedule. Maybe it's because I went to a hyper-social college and was constantly surrounded by sorority sisters and friends. There was always something to do, but more importantly, there was always someone around to hang out with. Literally, always.

So the transition to post-college life was a little daunting. I was lucky enough to find an amazing crew a few weeks after moving to New York, but now that we are all hustling and grinding in our careers, building romantic relationships or moving to other cities, it's a lot harder to hang out. Aka, that means I have a lot more alone time. And it's taken me a while to appreciate this surplus of alone time. But now I realize how vital it is for me to spend time alone to recharge. Although I totally get a lot of energy from connecting with people, I also need a lot of time alone to reset and not feel drained.

It's funny how I used to be a hardcore extrovert in college. I could go, go,go! I was a freaking energizer bunny. I thrived from being around large groups and loud energy. But now that I work a full-time job, take dance and pole classes, work on my blog and want to accomplish like 50 other things this year, I find myself fucking exhausted at the end of each workday. And I don't like it.

I want to have the energy to come home and read for 30 minutes before bed. I want to have enough energy to wake up at 5:30 am, do a quick yoga routine and work on my blog for an hour before work. I want to have enough energy to paint my nails when I'm sitting on the couch catching up on my favorite shows. And I think I've finally figured out why I don't have as much energy as I'd like after work.

It's because I don't take time to recharge properly on the weekend. Although I LOVE hanging out with my friends in Manhattan and Brooklyn, spending all of my time in the city on the weekends isn't great for my wellbeing. I need time to myself to work on all of my goals and to do things that inspire me. So now, I kind of look forward to not having a lot of plans on the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally still a huge social butterfly, but I also need to be better about knowing when to say no to plans and just do me. So I'm sharing a shortlist of three things I'm doing this weekend to get my mind right and slow down.

My Weekend Reset Roadmap

1. Put together my vision/aspiration corkboard. This has been on my to-do list for so freaking long. I am really motivated by inspiring photos, patterns, and affirmational words. So having a constant visual reminder of why I'm working hard and eating "sh*t sandwiches" each week is a huge source of energy for me.

2. Cleaning my freaking room.... and keeping it clean all week long. I thrive when I am surrounded by a beautiful and clean atmosphere. But I've noticed that I'll clean my room one night of the week, and then it's a train wreck the next day. And it stays a train wreck for the rest of the week. Why does it stay messy and distracting? Because I'm always too tired at the end of the day to tidy up. This is a terrible habit I've recently developed and I hate it. So I'm changing it. And I'm going to hold myself accountable by dedicating just 10 minutes every morning and every evening to tidy up. I pre-set an alarm so I feel obligated to follow through, and if I don't, I'll feel guilty. Since I despise feeling guilty, I will be more inclined to follow through with this goal.

Photo by Julian Hochgesang 

3. I'm going to spend a minimum of 30 minutes reading on my balcony with a glass of coffee or tea each day during the weekend. Depending on my schedule, I'll do this in the evening or in the morning. Now that it's cooling off a little bit, I'll be able to enjoy my outdoor space without sweating to death.

Photo by Ellieelien 

Ah, I'm so excited just writing about these plans! I love how much healthier my relationship with myself is becoming. Literally two years ago, I would have had a pity party for myself from the thought of too much solitude, but now. I can't wait to spend some quality alone time with myself! What are some of your favorite things to do in your "me time" to hit the reset button? Let me know below! After all, variety is the spice of life, so adding new things to our routines will help keep us inspired. Thanks again for reading this post and supporting me! Sending you lots of love, and I hope you have an amazing weekend!! 

Dating Diaries: Dealing with Disappointment

September 10, 2019

Photo by: John Parkinson

Oh boy, dating in 2019 is... exhausting. Or at least it can be if we set high expectations or just run into one too many disrespectful guys on dating apps. I know I've been freaking exhausted from dating apps for the past few months. I've constantly deleted and re-downloaded a few apps out of frustration or because the bland conversations just annoyed me. 

And I'm not going to lie; I've dealt with a ton of disappointment this year in my dating life. But I've finally reached a place where I have accepted that disappointment is a part of life.  And guess what, it's a part of life that will never kill us, so why have I been so terrified of it? 

I definitely go through cycles of not giving two f***s about dating and being irritated that I haven't met someone to build a meaningful life with yet. Sometimes this cycle happens all in the same day. Luckily, I have soooo many other exciting and challenging things to focus on in my life that dating isn't my top priority anymore. Although I will never give up on the idea of romantic love, I'm learning how to quickly bounce back from disappointment and to re-shift my focus to more important things within the hour every time I feel pessimistic about my dating life. 

But tbh, this was an EXTREMELY hard place to reach. Like real hard. I had to spend a lot of time working on my mindset in regards to how much effort to put into dating. I used to put a ton of effort in, but that is kind of wasted energy for me. But hey, old habits die hard. I know I'll have slip-ups, but I'm proud of myself for finally learning how to deprioritize dating and learning how to bounce back a lot faster from dating disappointments than I was able to just a few months ago. 

Its amazing how much progress we can make in a short amount of time if we cultivate the right mindset. 

If you're familiar with my more personal posts, you already know that dedicate a ton of time to self-growth and seeking out ways to help me overcome all the dating woes that kept me up at night in the past. I guess you could call all my failed dating experiences research. I don't know why it took me so long to intrinsically believe and understand the lessons below, but it did. Oh well. We all have our own process. Although I had to learn these lessons painfully (well there're studies to back up how adults learn lessons through pain, so maybe I can blame biology), but I'm glad I did experience them. I feel so durable now, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Here are some of the lessons I've learned over the past year - and luckily these lessons can apply to pretty much every area of your life, but especially apply to dating/relationships in the modern age of "swiping for love".

Lessons I've Learned In 2019
  • Set your boundaries and focus on creating a life you are actually happy about because no one else will give that to you. Relationships should add to your life, not fill a void or hole. 
  • Knowing how to self soothe is the only way to become stronger. 
  • Set strong boundaries (and sticking to them) is the best way to avoid dating drama or pain. 
  • No one has ever fucking died from being disappointed, so chill. There are plenty of fish in the sea ;) 
  • Stop putting guys on pedestals (thanks Actual Black Mermaid for this clarity). I’m over this for sure. I’m looking at people’s actions and not their words or their texts. Seeing clearer and knowing exactly what I’m getting myself into is the key to success. 
  • Taking a break from dating apps is necessary if I'm just starting to feel frustrated by them. If it's not a fun experience, I'm not spending my time on them.  
  • I keep letting myself down by having high expectations and getting invested in people who don’t invest back and who really aren't that special. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but no one can be special/meaningful in my life until we've built a strong bond/connection- and that takes a long time to develop. So no more of that! 
I also wanted to share a few incredible resources that have helped me along my journey. 

My biggest take-away - it’s not about me. I should get over my ego because I have no idea what’s going on in their lives behind the scenes.

Actual Black Mermaid

My biggest take-aways:
  • Don’t get hyper attached to someone you barely know.
  • Loss is expansion!!! The fewer distractions and less energy you spend on the wrong people, toxic jobs and bad habits in your life, the more room there is for the things that actually should be in your life. 

My biggest take-away:
  • If you feel yourself settling, you should step back and focus on yourself. Work on your self-confidence and re-evaluate why you even want a relationship. Relationships should thrive on a want-base, not a need base. Being co-dependent isn’t cute and doesn’t help you grow into your strongest self! 
I really believe that writing out a list of things to focus on instead of dating is a powerful way to stay on track in life, so here is my list!

  • Building a business I love
  • Creating digital and physical content/products that I'm proud of
  • Paying off my student loans!!!
  • Volunteering my time to causes I'm passionate about 
  • Traveling home to visit my family more often 
  • Building wealth and investing
  • Making enough money from an exciting and positively challenging job that allows me to live the lifestyle I want to in the NYC area 
  • Mastering new pole dancing tricks/flows 
  • Mastering new choreographed routines in my traditional dance classes  
  • Saving enough money to get a dog
  • Traveling the world with friends 
  • Learning to speak french 
  • Mastering intense cooking dishes 
  • Expanding my personal and professional network 
  • Reading more 
  • Adding more luxury investment pieces to my wardrobe
This list could go on for a long time, but these are some of the things I'm pursuing at the moment. 

 I hope you share your list below. And thank you so much for supporting my site and reading this post. I love you so much more than you know. Sending you all the love you deserve. Cheers to creating the lives of our dreams. 

September Mood Board: Accepting the Process

September 4, 2019

Photos by: Photo by Alessio

September is such a lovely month. And with the start of a new month comes new goals to pursue. I think this month, I'm going to focus on accepting things as they are and as they appear. I'm going to approach situations with a wide-eyed sense of curiosity and wonder. And I'm going to focus on appreciating the beauty and simple magic that exists all around us in everyday life. There's just no point in making myself miserable over things I can't control or getting upset when things don't go my way. Yes, I like to be in control over the things I can actually control, but most things in life are out of my control. I've been trying to force so many specific things to happen in my career and dating life and trying to fix my relationship with myself overnight. And surprise, it's not working for me. I have been making myself miserable expecting instant gratification.

 But I don't want you to misunderstand. I am in no shape or form giving up on any of my goals. In fact, I'm going to work harder than ever to become the person whom I wish to be. But I'm adjusting my strategy and just going to focus on being the best version of myself, for myself. Not for my boss, not for a romantic interest, and certainly not for social media/societal acceptance. I'm going to show up for life every single day (even on the really shitty, painful and dark days) to the best of my ability, literally just for me. And I know that some days I'll be able to show up for myself better than others, and I'm ok with that. Because creating the life I want is going to take a lot of dedication and a lot of time. And that process will have lots of highs and lots of lows, which I accept.

I know that the only way to actually live a fulfilled life where you feel confident and are proud of the person you see in the mirror is to push through the shitty days and remember that the rough times are just temporary. And when the time comes, I'll make the salary I deserve to make, find the person who wants to build an incredible life by my side and continue to build my sense of self-worth.  And honestly, I can't think of a better feeling.

I wanted to thank you for spending time today to read this post. I hope you make your own monthly mood board and share it with me or one of your trusted friends. We all owe it to ourselves to seek out inspiration, and this is one of my favorite ways to start each month, with a little bit of inspo. Sending you all the love in the world.

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