Autumn Refresh: A season of healing

October 2, 2022

 

Photo by Kerstin Wrba 

It’s been so gloomy in the NYC area this weekend and to be honest, I absolutely love it. It mirrors how I’ve been feeling lately. This weather is making me want to retreat and reflect on the person I’ve been and the person I’m becoming.

I took a break from pursuing most of my goals during the month of September. Because I wasn’t distracted by ambitions, I was forced to face my inner demons, despite me doing everything in my power to avoid my feelings and my dilemmas. And it’s kind of refreshing. I feel like I'm sooo close to breaking this unhealthy cycle of working myself to the bone and telling myself that I don’t have time to deal with my emotions. I was just pretending that I felt fine and I was silently letting anxiety run amuck, which you can guess just lead to an intense emotional burnout.

But that’s not the life I want for myself, and I feel strong enough to healthily raise my standards and stop letting my negative, anxious thoughts dictate my actions. I get one shot at this life. So I might as well enjoy the journey and accept that I still make a ton of mistakes and overwhelm is just a natural part of growing. This is going to be a beautiful season of growth and healing. Why? Because I say so. I'm in charge of my spiritual healing - and my spiritual health is drastically tied to my physical and financial health.

So this October is dedicated to healing. My 30-day goal is to ditch alcohol while I embrace and process my emotions as soon as they arise. I tend to ignore the guilt and shame that comes with disappointing myself, which I did a lot during September because I was too burned out to follow through with the goals I set for myself. And then those intense emotions fester and drain me until I feel like a shell version of myself.

But that’s ok! Instead of judging myself, I’m leading with curiosity. I’m creating the emotional and physical environment that will allow me to show up for myself and keep the promises I make to myself. Yeah, I have really high standards for my life and that’s not a bad thing… but I’m ready to forgive myself for not being where I thought I should be by now. I’m letting go of all my mistakes, for constantly procrastinating because it’s time to embrace myself with grace and self-love and trust that I’m on the right path and going at the right pace.

Photo by Daniel J. Schwarz 

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year, and I want to savor every moment of October and November. I’ll do so by releasing the past and all the expectations my younger self had for my 28-year-old self (ie. By now I should be a wealthy, perfect, married woman with an incredible career, a thriving side business, and a budding family). I’m embracing that healing is not linear and the reason I don’t have the life I want is because I’m still becoming the person I want to be. And that’s going to take time, which I’m still learning to be ok with.


I can face all the emotions and anxiety that arise in me while also finding joy in the simplest things this fall. I can heal and embrace happiness. I’ll just take it one day at a time and focus on the things that fuel me while letting go of the things, people, and activities that drain me.

Are you on a healing journey too? If so, I’d love to know what you’re focusing on this month to feel fulfilled and proud of yourself? Even the smallest things like meal prepping at home or not letting laundry pile up can hugely impact our ability to trust ourselves and feel whole. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction and I hope your fall is filled with prosperity, love, joy, and healing.

Shop my October wellness kit below. These are the items I’m leaning on this month to help me connect with myself again.

 


Summer Reset: An Ode to Seasonal Slowdowns

June 8, 2022


Photo by Sean Oulashin 

And just like that, another summer is upon us. I truly love summer in the city. The city comes alive in the warmer months. The outfits are more fun, everyone is in a lovely(ish) mood and energy runs through our veins as we shed the winter blues and spring chilly weather. But with warm weather, usually comes this neurotic need to accomplish everything under the sun. For us to check all of our goals off and make drastic leaps of progress - or at least that's how I feel pretty much every spring, summer and fall. And you know what? That toxic "you're not doing enough and you need to do more and be more and be better" energy, yeah that bully inside my head that I constantly have to keep in check - she doesn't serve me anymore. 

There was a time when I truly thought that voice was beneficial. Like she encouraged me and motivated me to achieve more... but over time, the cruel words I said to myself really just ended up ruining my self-trust and my self-confidence. This is exactly why I've been reeling back my ambitious to-do list and focusing on feeling mentally and spiritually well. It has been freaking HARD to show up for myself in the extraordinary (or even just basic) way that I wish to. Like way way harder than I expected. Everything feels sooo overwhelming and like most of my goals, dreams and desires are going to be so fucking hard to achieve - not impossible but still really freaking difficult. Then I heard incredible advice from my fellow Capricorn boss b*tch Tonya Leigh in a recent podcast episode "Showing up when it's hard". It went a little something like this: 

"When life gets really hard and you are struggling to show up for yourself - aim for mediocre. Just do the bare minimum because that little momentum will get you going." 

As I was listening to this advice, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my back. I took a moment to drink a huge glass of water, breathe in deeply and allow myself to A.) accept where I am in life right now and B.) embrace that where I want to be in life is not going to magically happen overnight. And honestly, if it did, I would miss out on all the lessons that are constantly shaping me into the woman I am so proud I'm becoming. And right now, that woman is coming off of another season of BURNOUT.

 

Photo by Shifaaz shamoon 

So instead of giving up on all of my dreams or procrastinating on pursuing my passions because I can't do them perfectly, I am embracing B-rated work. I am ok with being mediocre this season (ok, let's be honest, even my mediocre is pretty fucking fabulous but I digress). I am ok with doing the bare minimum to pursue my dreams while I figure out how to restore my energy instead of just halting production altogether. Because putting one foot in front of the other and just aiming to be 1% better than I was yesterday is still a win. Screw society's timeframe; my quality of life and my career will unfold in the right timeframe for me. And in the meantime, I'm going to fight every day to find small things to celebrate - no matter what that nagging voice says in the back of my head. 

Now I'm curious to hear from you. Do ever feel like this too? And if so, is there one small thing you can do for yourself this week to take some of the pressure off while still feeling proud of yourself? I'm dying to know. No matter what you're going through right now, I hope this post makes you feel less alone and inspires you to be kind to yourself this week. We are all just trying to do our best, and we're in this together. Sending you lots of love! Until next time my friend. 








Sunday Scaries: A Note on Self-Compassion and Enduring Pressure

April 3, 2022



Oh goodness, what a year it has been so far. I know I'm not the only one who has felt a lot of pressure this year so far. The pressure to reach a new level, heal from past demons and traumas, pressure to show up for myself in an extraordinary way, pressure to lose weight... the list goes on and on. But to sum it all up, the pressure comes down to expecting myself to have my sh*t together all at once, reach all my goals quickly and never disappoint myself. But that ain't how life works. I'm not perfect and neither are the people in my life. 

And that is what I need to constantly remind myself, that extending grace to others, and especially to myself is a skill that I am eager to master. I am starting to realize that consistently showing up for yourself can only be sustained once we learn how to forgive ourselves for showing up in the manner we wish. Quite a paradox, don't you think. The healthiest way to stop disappointing ourselves is to accept that we will disappoint ourselves from time to time and quickly enact self-forgiveness.

We are all just doing our best to figure it out. Every adult I know is dealing with intense external pressures... so why do we manage to add more pressure by beating ourselves up? And having crazy-high expectations for ourselves and for others isn't healthy or helpful. But that doesn't mean that abandoning our boundaries is ok either. That's the dance I'm trying to figure out: extending grace while also upholding boundaries and learning how to hold my own hand through hard chapters. I have NOT figured out how to do this yet, but I am taking small steps each and every day to slowly master this. So here are just a few ways I try to cut myself some slack when things get hard and heavy.



How I extend myself grace when I disappoint myself or just feel overwhelmed: 

1. I gravitate towards a mental health/ mindset podcast. One of my absolute favorites was Imani State of Mind. She no longer records, but I still go back to binge listen to her 38 episodes. Dr. Imani is a psychiatrist who candidly talked about all traumas we were collectively experiencing but she and her co-podcaster always managed to discuss these serious topics with a refreshing note of humor. I also love the School of Self Image Podcast. Whenever I listen to one of Tonya's mindset-focused episodes, I instantly feel lighter. She is ALL about extending ourselves grace. 

2. Journal and cry. There's no way around this. It's inevitable. I tend to bottle up a lot of emotions and then I implode and then I sink into a funk after imploding. And I hate this habit of mine. It's one I have to actively work against. It also got the best of me this weekend and that is because I have been avoiding a lot of my tense emotions. I was even using my alcohol cleanse as a shield from my emotions. Because I wasn't drinking, I was filling a lot of my time with what I thought were productivity activities. But in reality, I was keeping myself super busy and shoving all my fear, pain, guilt, anxiety, shame, anger, frustrations and overwhelm deep down and telling myself that everything was fine. Lol nah it wasn't. So once again, I was reminded that I need to journal and process my emotions. 

3. Do the bare minimum for a day or two. Ok, here me out, sometimes, when you are feeling really low and exhausted (for me that's always after a day of over-drinking and only a few hours of sleep lol Nia when will you learn?) you really need to accept that your best today is not going to be amazing. The only thing you can do is take it one task at a time and not freak out about the results of whatever you are working towards. 

4. Set a timer and clean for 15 minutes. Put on music and clean. You will feel better. You just will. 

5. I cook an easy, yet relatively, healthy meals and just focus on leisurely enjoying them. This is one of my favorite tricks because it makes me feel like I'm taking care of myself. So even if I don't get anything else on my to-do list done that day, at least I took care of my body and I saved money by cooking at home. 

Idk about you, but I certainly keep creating the same problems in my life over and over because I am still struggling to grant myself grace. I am learning that life will always put pressure on us, but the more grace we extend towards ourselves, the more pressure we can endure, and baby, diamonds are born out of pressure. We can totally do this. Wishing you all the love and a peaceful Sunday! 








Happy 2022: A Year of Intention and Faith

January 2, 2022

 

Photo by Ellieelien 

And just like that, another year has come and gone. I am so grateful that my friends, family and myself made it through the year. Last year brought highs and lows for all of us. Last year, it felt like all I could do was survive. I ignored a lot of my problems and let fear guide my actions. And letting fear control me did NOT set me up for success. But for the first time ever, I had this week between Christmas and NYE off. Although I still logged on for a few tasks daily, instead of using this week to "get my life together" and set really high, overwhelming expectations for myself, I spent time mentally and physically resting, like a lot. 

And instead of running from the fear and pain, I embraced it. It wasn't fun in the midst; actually it really f*cking sucked, but I now feel so relieved. And best of all, by embracing my pain and fear, I also have a new sense of courage. Not because my fear and anxiety about the future magically disappeared. I'm still freaking terrified. I have a lot to focus on and a lot to build, but the courage comes from being scared and taking action anyway. showing up for myself, my friends, and my family anyway. Paving my own way in my career, love life and personal life based on my own rules and not what society tells me I should do. 


I'm curious and slowly getting excited for what this year will bring. Last year, I really struggled with maintaining faith in myself and the path of life I'm on. But now I'm ready to pour back into myself and my spirituality. This year my intention is to work on rebuilding my faith. Faith in myself, faith in my spiritual life, faith in my career path, and faith in the relationships I build with others. And a lesson that I've learned the hard way is that, in order for me to have faith in myself and in life, I have to stop biting off more than I can chew. I need to build without burning out. Slowly but surely, step by step, I'll build the positive mental mindset I need to create the life I want, and so will you. We can do this. Cheers to a year full of love, safety, and prosperity. Until next time my friend. 



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