Weekly Reads: Cheers to a Fresh Start

January 27, 2019

Photo by Nicolette Meade 

Hope your day is off to a great start! I'm currently writing this post from a coffee shop in my neighborhood. I haven't worked from a coffee shop in a while, and I almost forgot how much I love this ritual! It's so blissful to take two hours for myself and block out the surrounding world. I used to fear to be alone with my thoughts because I didn't know how to be kind to myself, but now alone time feels like a luxury. I hope you can sneak in a little alone time this weekend as well. It truly is quite refreshing. I also hope you find the links below to be helpful, entertaining or inspiring. I know I do! If you have any links you want to share in the comments below, I'd love to know what meme, article or video has put a smile on your face this weekend. 

Weekend TV Guide: 10 Documentaries every woman in their 20s should watch  
BYOB restaurants in NYC - Because we all need to save money this year
BYO food bars in NYC - Great for all my friends who are on special diets 
Terrible People: Ew!!! NEVER eat here! I hope this manager got fired for being so sexist! 
Self Love - What you should focus on instead of focusing on finding the “love of your life” 
Beauty Bar: I’m intrigued by this new beauty trend  
Fashion Nerd: This is so interesting! I’m excited about this new fashion/psychology series. I’ve always been fascinated with psychology and have a deep connection to fashion. Here’s one I’m excited to read this weekend. 
HBIC: An interesting resume tip 
Black Girl Magic!!! Time to celebrate these amazing black women 
Get It Together - This inspiring closet organization article plus the new Marie Kondo show on Netflix is going to help me feel more put together. 

Weekly Highs:

This week was a whirlwind! A lot of stressful incidents happened over the past 7 days. But oddly, I’m in a much better mood than I’ve experienced earlier in the month. I guess a lot of shitty things happening all at once helped me re-adjust my perspective and focus on what truly matters and why gratitude is so important. The best part of this week was the fact that I proved to myself how resilient I can be. 

Yes, I cried a lot. Yes, I let 95% of my weekly to-do list fall through the cracks and beat myself up about it. Yes, I have a loving boyfriend who comforted me and told me everything was going to be ok. Yes, I called my best friend Kendra to help cheer me up. I know I am blessed to have their love and support, but at the end of the day, we have to depend on ourselves in order to see the light again. Words of comfort from other people are nice, but they don’t magically change your mindset. Only you have the power to focus on the positive side of things. And unfortunately, that’s a skill that we all have to work at every single day if we want a sustainable positivity. I’m just grateful that all of my loved ones are safe and sound, I have a source of income in my dream industry and I can start planning to redecorate my apartment for the spring. 

Weekly Lows:

I want to keep this part short and sweet because: 
a.) I don’t want to sound like a whiny little punk and 
b.)listening to me complain won’t help you on your path to success. 

But I will briefly list all the poo things that happened in my life this week so you know how unperfect my life is. This way, you don’t feel so alone when poo things happen to you.

  • Lost my Chanel wallet in a cab 
  • Was overcharged $152 by the terrible restaurant/bar Tijuana Picnic in the LES (which refused to answer the phone, return my email or speak to a manager when I went back to the bar). 
  • One of my immediate family members in Georgia was rushed to the hospital (this emergency made all of my other problems seem very small)

As you can see, my life is messy. I think our social media society has caused us all to compare and desire the lives of others. I don’t want to portray that my life is better than yours. I want us all to work together so we all live the lives of our dreams. Thank you so much for stopping by my site to read this post. I hope this article helped you smile. Until next time my friend! 

My Detailed 2019 Planning Process: How I reset my mindset and set my intentions for the year!

January 13, 2019

Photo by Plush Design Studio 

Hi Gang,

I don't know about you, but with the start of a new year, I always have an intense urge to go into "Life Clean Up" mode and figure out how to level up from where I currently am. 2018 didn't go exactly as planned. I constantly made new goals for myself and set exceptionally high expectations for myself. Although I didn't meet a lot of my goals, I made some AMAZING improvements in my life... mainly in the space of mental wellness and self-care. I guess 2018 was the first year I dedicated a lot of time, energy and money (therapy in NYC, even after insurance, is just as high as the skyscrapers those therapy sessions are held in) to healing, and I plan to continue that trend.

One thing I noticed about myself in 2018 is that I can make goals all F***ing day long, but those goals will never propel me forward if I don't start from the right mental place, ie) I have to fix my process! I failed to follow through on a lot of actions and a to-do list I made for myself (like a lot of them), and it took until now for me to figure out exactly why...thanks to two new wellness and business podcasts I've started listening to. She Did It Her Way and The Life Coach School! Don't let the names fool you. I'll list the two fundamental episodes I listened to that led to revelations and have convinced me that I need to set aside a little of time to reflect and think before I create any type of intention or plan for myself for 2019.

So without further ado, here is the detailed outline of my new and improved planning process. Just a heads up, this process is meant to be spread out over the course of a week or a weekend. Don't try to do it all at once (unless you really want to block out an entire day or something like that. I like to do this process over the course of a few days so I can get clear on what I really want.  Some of these techniques have worked for me in the past, prior to my self-confidence meltdown, so I know they work when my head is in the right space. This 2.0 version is meant to serve us in this new chapter of life. After all, we can't expect the things that served us years ago to continue working in the same manner. As we change and experience more in life, our process to handle new chapters has to change as well. I believe that's how we grow.

Action Steps 1 and 2: Tackle feeling overwhelmed and reflect on the previous year!

To be completely honest, I've avoided reflecting on 2018 in a detailed manner because I've felt overwhelmed. Reflecting on the previous year is essential in order to move forward. I cannot keep climbing the stairway to my version (emphasis on the word my) of success if I have a ton of baggage weighing me down. I've tried blocking out the past, and it caught up with me big time in 2016/2017. Also, when I block out the bad from the past, I forget about a lot of the good too. Reflecting on 2018 should include the highs, lows and some ice cream because if you're like me, you're going to cry and feel a slew of emotions during this exercise.

Another reason why I have to overcome my feelings of overwhelm is so I can focus on what I actually want to do in 2019 and what I want out of life! How the hell am I supposed to create a clear vision of where I want to go if my head is spiraling because of all the negative thoughts I'm telling myself.

So now the real question is... how the hell do we actually stop feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated or hopeless? I'll tell you. It's not a fun activity, but it's a necessary one. You have to take a seat, grab a notebook, a pretty colored pen, and write down every thought that's stopping you from taking action or making you feel like a bag of poo. Here are a few of mine:

  • I'm never going to make enough money this year to pay off my credit cards 
  • What's the point in creating a business plan? The economy is going to collapse and all my effort will have been for nothing 
  • I can't actually handle the pressure of being the head of a company so accept that I'm going to be a slave to the corporate world until I'm old and grey.
These are just a few of my thoughts. I have a lot of other negative stories I have to stop listening to. Why? Because they are a freaking lie! Our possibilities in this life are infinite, as long as we never give up on our aspirations. These thoughts are in my head to keep me safe; but at the end of the day, I'm not going to spontaneously combust if I don't pay off my remaining credit cards this year, create a successful business or stay in corporate America for a few more years! I'm telling myself a story that these harmful thoughts are sealed by faith and I'm spiraling out of control by creating a worst-case scenario in my mind instead of focusing on changing my thoughts. 

You're probably wondering why I'm focusing so much on the importance of changing our thought patterns in the first place? I'll tell you why! It's because thoughts become things. I've believed this for many years. And this is how our thoughts become our reality: 

Our thoughts create our emotions. Our emotions lead to our actions. And our actions cause the results/situations that we exeperince. 

Now, this is only true for the things we can actually control, but we control way more of our lives than we think we do! We control what job offers we take, the food we put in our bodies, the amount of debt we go into, the amount of money we put towards said debt (yeah, that $40 we spend on brunch could have gone towards a credit card bill), the clothes we wear, what time we go to bed, how well we treat our bodies. You get the picture. Of course, there will always be outside forces that influence or impact our choices or make us feel stuck, but we are still in control at the end of the day. 

So our challenge for part one of this 7 step planning process is to write down all of our limiting beliefs and then write down every reason why those thoughts are based on fear instead of truth. Next, we have to write down how we'd eradicate those problems if they did become true. Fair warning, just because you do this exercise once doesn't mean you'll never battle these exact same thoughts again. They are going ot pop up in our minds all the time. And we will have to say "huh, I hear you brain, but I'm not listening to you because you're not telling me the truth. You're just telling me a story that's driven by fear. 

Here are two questions to ask yourself during this exercise: 
1. What do I want/need? 
2. Why do I think I can't have it?
3. What would it take to get it? 

There you go, that's the longwinded process of step one. The good news is, this is the hardest part, or at least for me it is. But reward yourself after completing this step. You will certainly deserve it!!! 

Time to Reflect
This is the second hardest step because you're probably going to experience a lot of unpleasant emotions. This is how I reflect:

  • I write a list of all the things I failed at in 2018
  • then I write a list of all the things I achieved in 2018 
  • then I write a list of all the good things and bad things that I experienced during the year. 
I use these templates that came with my happiness planner. But I also found some free ones for you to try. 
Action Step 3. Brain Dump Time!

This is when I write down everything that's swirling around in my mind. Everything that I want to accomplish this year or anything that I want to improve on over the course of my life. I usually just grab a few sheets of paper and make a bulleted list. Nothing fancy, nothing neat; there's time to make this list pretty later. And more importantly, no judgment! I'm not allowed to judge myself for anything I put on these pages. For now, we are just meant to chuck everything we are thinking about onto the pieces of paper. I know this sounds like a lot of work, but all the good things in life come with a big ass side of hard work. There's no way around it.

Action Step 4. Prioritize and organize my brain dump.

Aka create a rough draft of my 2019 plan. I take my braindump, a highlighter, and a pen and start numbering everything in order of importance, organizing things by category and figuring out what I can outsource/ what I need help to accomplish. I also like to add deadlines to each of my goals during the step!  Here are the categories I'm including in my 2019 plan:

  • business (my baby)
  • work (day job)
  • physical health 
  • pole & dance
  • relationships 
  • finances 
  • mental health& self-care 
  • exploration & travel

Action Step5: Seek out inspiration.

This is where I research what the women I admire are including in their 2019 plans! They are the drivers in the industry I plan to break into so it only makes sense to adopt parts of their plans that serve me. I take notes on things I can implement into my yearly plan and leave what doesn't serve me.

Action Step 6: Revise and make a neat copy of my plan.

I love creating neat, formatted documents. I am in my most creative state when I have a structured document guiding me along my path. Clearly, things never going exactly according to plan, but at least I feel more secure in my actions when I can visualize what I need to do each day, month and quarter during the year in order to get where I want to go.

I probably have too much fun with this step, but what can I say? I am who I am. If I'm feeling really feisty, I print and bind the first quarter of my life/business plan for 2019 (yeah, my yearly intentions  are going to be broken up into 4 quarters (3 months in a quarter) because I've come to realize that I have to plan my goals out over a long timeframe in order to not feel overwhelmed. Slow and steady really does win the race sometimes.

This is also the step where I add tactics (also known as actionable to-do items) to my plan. This helps me take my goals from mere daydreams to plausible realities.

Action Step 7: Create my vision board!

My favorite step! I usually turn to Pinterest for this task. Basically, a vision board is a visual, yearly plan to keep you encouraged throughout your journey. I love having a visiual reminder of the things that inspire, energize and excite me on my wall. To create an inspired and fun atmosphere, I put on an uplifting show or movie I've seen a thousand times, grab sparking water or wine and start cutting and pasting these photos on my vision board. I'm literally so excited to do this step! It's even more fun if you do this with a group of friends. Have a vision board party. Then you and your crew will be more likely to keep each other accountable to your goals.

Pro Tip: Print your photos on glossy photo paper! It will make your vision board look more like a piece of art and less like a middle school project. If you need a visual example of a vision board, here is a chic example of one. This is how I plan to organize my vision board this year!

And that's it! Now you have the tools you need to get really clear on what you want to do this year. Next, we'll tackle how to follow through with them.

I can never say this enough, thank you so much for spending a part of your day reading this post. I hope you find it helpful. I'm extremely grateful for a platform that allows me to write and share my thoughts. I hope that you find something that energizes you just as much as writing does for me... especially if I have a glass of wine nearby. Wishing you a prosperous and joy-filled year! Please leave a comment below sharing what your planning process is. We are all here to learn from each other

She Did It Her Way Episode 311: 4 Mindsets to Cultivate in the New Year to Help you Ditch Your 9-5!

The Life Coach School Podcast Episode 1: Why You Aren't Taking Action

My 2019 F*** It List: All the things I'm telling to F*** off & let go of this year

January 2, 2019

Photo: Nia Washington

We are blessed to ring in the new year and I’m so grateful that I have a source of income, a loving partner, loyal friends and to still have my mom and brother despite the rough year they both had with their health. I’m a firm believer in positive thinking, setting intentions and making moves to have the lives we want... but sometimes you might need a break from being positive. I know I’ve been in a very angry and frustrated place lately, so before I reflect on the lessons I learned in 2018 and figure out what steps I should take in 2019 to get closer to my goals, I’m writing a fuck it list. Why? Because I am taking more control in my life, fighting for what I want and letting go of the rest. So without further ado, here is a list of everything I’m saying “fuck that shit” to in 2019:

F*** being forced to do shit that I shouldn't be doing.
F*** overspending money on clothes and products I don’t need as a form of retail therapy. 
F*** putting poor quality food in my body that leaves me feeling sluggish and disgusting.
F*** making excuses for skipping the gym.
F*** letting micro managers steal my joy and control my emotions.
F*** stressing out about my family’s health because I’m not Jesus, and no matter how much I agonize over it, my fear won’t magically make them better.
F*** ignoring my own health issues and avoiding the doctor.
F*** these panic attacks. I don't need to have my life picture perfect so why am I putting so much pressure on myself? 
F*** being a little brat and not making extra money on the side of work. 
F*** letting my job suck all of my energy away. 
F*** binge drinking and feeling like crap the next day. 
F*** beating myself up for giving myself a rest day.
F*** stressing out about the economy because the next recession will come when it comes. 
F*** telling myself that I don’t have the skills to have the career of my dreams or a higher paying job. 
F*** letting nasty peoples' energy consume me and drag me down with them. 
F*** being disrespected by others - it’s time to take a self-Defense class (ps my boyfriend is the most respectful person I’ve ever met so this is a comment for all the men who catcall or curse us out after we reject them).
F*** living in a cluttered space with things I never use. 
F*** being financially irresponsible so I can live with who I want and where I want. 
F*** letting the annoying people in my life get the best of me. 

Honestly, this list could go on and on but I know you don’t have all day. I feel so much better after shedding off the dark emotional layers I've been carrying recently. Now it’s your turn to make a fuck it list. Share at least 3 things you're letting go of in the new year. Think of this like a non-PC spiritual cleanse. You’ll feel soooooooooo much better once you do. Now let’s go forth and get to freaking work. Because we’re done being miserable. Not today Satan, not today. 

Thanks so much for reading my message. I hope you feel as liberated after this exercise as I do. Until next time my friend. 

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