New Year Check-In: Still Burned Out but Workin on it

January 2, 2021

Photo by Ellieelien 

Usually, I am so excited for a new year to begin. The glimmer of hope, the unknown opportunities that come out of nowhere, the rush of excitement that comes from reflecting and mapping out new goals. But this year, mapping out my new year resolutions just feels, well, a little silly. Because truth be told, I'm just not excited about much these days. 

Although I'm incredibly grateful to be blessed with the opportunity to see a new year and another day on this earth, I can tell that I'm still really burned out. Unfortunately, being burned out doesn't help pay the fucking bills or help me live a vibrant life. Aka, I have to figure out a way to find my way back to myself and learn to actually be happy. 

So instead of resolutions, I'm setting a theme for the year. And that theme is fulfillment. I just refuse to spend another year of this gift we call life as a miserable person. I'm not, fucking doing it. I deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy. We deserve to be fucking happy. 

But here's the problem, a lot of things that make me feel fulfilled cost money (cooking lavish meals, my dance classes, paying off all my debt, craft projects, fun photoshoots, creating a cozy home, traveling post-pandemic, therapy. etc.) And one of the main reasons why I am always so anxious is because of money lol. Isn't that ironic. Time for little miss Nia to suck it the fuck up and get a second job again and stop spending on frivolous things. Oy. 

One amazing skill I've developed during this season of social distancing is learning to really love my alone time. It's a Saturday night and instead of spending the evening overdrinking and overeating with friends (although in moderation, that's a fun freaking time), I'm finally sitting down and writing again. Working on my dream... well part of my dream because yall know a bitch is multi-faceted. I'm building the foundations for something that will one day be a major source of income for me. And that is something to get excited about. 

I'm starting to realize that to live a well-rounded, fulfilling life, I have to eliminate more distractions and make sacrifices while also making time for fun. My problem is I tend to focus on one without making room for the other. Balance has never been a strength of mine, but no time like the present to learn a new skill haha.  So, I guess, I have two themes for the year: fulfillment and balance. Now that I think about it, they do go hand in hand because you can't be fulfilled without balance. 

I know I'm not just going to wake up tomorrow, or one day next week, and feel like a brand new bitch who magically has figured out a way to solve all her problems, but I am determined to take the slow and steady road and actually appreciate this one life I have been granted. So cheers to finding happiness this year - even if it looks nothing like what we thought it would. 

Let me know your theme in the comments below! I'd love to go on this journey together so we can root each other on. May this year be full of blessings, adventures, and bliss for you. Thanks for taking a moment to read this post! Your support means the world to me. 

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