Getting My S*** Together + November Mood Board

Photos: @ananewyork, linuslorentzen, lulus

I am so excited for 2020 to begin. This whole year has been intense, but everyday, I feel like my relationship with myself gets stronger and stronger, I am able to spot my dysfunctional habits faster and faster, and I am learning that it's ok that I still feel like a complete and total mess. I'm a typical 25-year-old who is experiencing a quarter life crisis. It's kind of comical from afar. Laughing at myself is the fastest way for me calm the fuck down. I know there is so much to be grateful for and we are so lucky to live in America where we have the potential to create any life we please. Why waste time feeling sorry for ourselves for too long? 

I've wondered what it's like to be one of those people who doesn't put a lot of pressure on themselves to constantly make drastic progress towards their goals. I can only imagine how freeing it must be to not beat yourself up for making mistakes and to have patience during the process. I am not naturally that fucking type of person. I don't think that kind of calmness will ever come naturally to me. But I can totally cultivate those mindful skills. Mistakes are inevitable, because we are human. Making mistakes isn't my issue, emotionally abusing myself after disappointing myself is. But now that I realize the secret to not being miserable isn't to avoid failure, it's to learn to be ok with stumbling over and over again. 

All I've gotta do is break these habits (easier said than done). And that's just a matter of science my friend.  But I tend to go a little crazy during my Get My Shit Together binge sessions and try to clean up all the mess at once - then I burn myself out and end up making even more mess in my life. I'm not very great at taking the "slow and steady" route, but I realize that I have to master patience so I can stop being so fucking unhappy all the time. 

And I know that admitting how unhappy I am is frowned upon. I only have a few friends who don't shame me for admitting this as well. Society isn't very great with handling honesty, is it? But the good news is, I'm actually fucking doing something about it. I know what I want, and I am committed to giving it to myself. I know you are too. Because I know we will fulfill our dreams... it might just take a little bit longer than we want, but we're learning to be ok with that. 

We're not really in control of the timeline, even though I desperately want to be. As long as I show up and try my best, that's all I should ask from myself. And my best will vary from season to season. That's ok too. I'm checking out of this "rat-race" mentality. I might not be amazing at learning to relax or having faith is the process, but I'm getting better at trusting God's timeframe/the universe everyday. I'm on a long journey of healing; but hey, I might as well learn how to have more fun along the way.  

As always, thanks so much for spending a moment to read this post. Your support means the world to me. Whether you find this post relatable or comical, I hope it added a little brightness into your day. Sending you lots of love my friend.