How to Keep Going When You Feel Hopeless

March 19, 2018

Photo by Jacob Repko 

So today’s post is a tab bit intense. I went back and forth deciding if I should share this with you guys. I definitely want my site to be a source of positivity and value for you guys, but life can lead to some dark times, and I don’t think that sharing my favorite pair of shoes with you guys is always the best way to help any of us cope with life’s intense/stressful moments. So here’s a secret that only a few of my closest friends know about me… sometimes I feel extremely hopeless about life and wish I could just numb the pain/stop feeling anything all together. I went through another one of these episodes at the end of February and just climbed out of it last week. I know what you’re probably thinking. “Nia, you’re pathetic and need to see a doctor. Why are you sharing so much on the internet?” Well, I believe we all need to see doctors to take care of our physical and mental health, but pretending like I have my shit together 100% of the time is selfish. Today’s post definitely isn’t for everyone, but for anyone who’s ever felt alone and hopeless, I hope they find this post and realize that they are very far from alone.

Before I dive any deeper; I want to clarify that I know how blessed and privileged I am to have a job, people who love me and to live in America. I really try not to take anything in my life for granted… and the fact that I practice verbal gratitude exercises and still feel hopeless from time to time is proof that not all personal issues are black and white. This might sound crazy, but part of me is really grateful for the dark seasons I’ve had. They are signs from my body and God that THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG AND I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES. When we hit these low points, this is the universe/God giving us a chance to push through the pain, fight for what we want, be responsible by taking care of our mind and body and become stronger.  

And trust me, I know it’s really fucking hard to fight when you feel like there’s no point to it, you’ll never reach your goals or you’re not good enough. When my dad was in a vegetative state my junior year of college, I barely fucking remember that time because I got so fucking drunk all the time. I made bad decisions all the fucking time. I tried to push so many people away from me (but luckily I have the best friends in the world and they knew that my borderline psychotic behavior was my way of saying I freaking need your help right now). It wasn’t healthy. And then, when I moved to NYC and was hit in the face with another season of feeling hopeless and wanting to just feel numb… I did the same damn thing because well, old habits die hard.

 Checking out and partying, numbing the pain with drugs or possibly even hurting yourself can seem like the easier thing to do… because then you won’t have to feel anything. But we all know that those are just ways to hide instead of being strong (which btw, you’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for).

So today I’m sharing three ways I crawl out of those scary, dark places and reset my perspective to appreciate life, believe in myself and fight for my heart’s desires. And the best part about fighting for the life you want is that you NEVER have to do it alone. I know I sure as hell am not. Even if you just get in minor funks from time to time, I hope this post helps you move through and process those funks faster. You’re too amazing to dwell in a “sunken place” for too long. There are so many amazing experiences for us to have in this lifetime, and we deserve to have so much more than we give ourselves permission to have.

My Three Tips to Keep Going When You Feel Hopeless

1.) Watch an inspiring video. It is soooo refreshing to hear from other people who have overcome crazy amounts of challenges. They are proof that the hard times and the pain pay off. We just have to master the tools to turn the rough times into our fuel, and that’s exactly what Marie, Tom and Lisa do! Trust me; just watch one of the videos below and you’ll feel like more of the badass you are.

Tony Robbins & Marie Forleo: What It Takes To Have an Extraordinary Life (I've watched this video a minimum of 4 times)

Why You Need to Empower Yourself | Impact Quotes (You need to watch this asap if you've been having a pity party)

How To Turn Your Fear Into Fuel | Lisa Nichols (literally watch this before you go to sleep tonight)

2.) Do a short positive affirmation/prayer session. I’ll be the first to admit that giving yourself a verbal pep talk feels weird… and that’s the fucking issue. I’m so pissed that we (especially women) have been conditioned to belittle ourselves instead of celebrating and cheering ourselves on. So stop what you’re doing and say the below out loud, three times, right now!

I am a beautiful, smart, kind, creative badass
I deserve and will have everything I want in life
I cherish and respect myself and everyone around me

3. Jot down every issue/obstacle on your mind right now and come up with 1-3 solutions for each. I get in funks a lot. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing either. I look at a funk as my body’s way of telling me that I need to change my tactics if I want to see results. A funk is only bad if you use it as an excuse to quit.

At the root of all my funks are my feelings of inadequacy and a lack of confidence. When I admit this and take time to care for myself, I always come back stronger, and I hope you do too. So if you’re in a funk or feel like “checking out” take it as a sign that you might want more out of life. And guess what, you can have more... if you put in a lot of hard ass work and work hard consistently.

What do you guys do to get out of a funk or to feel hopeful again? I’d love to hear what has and hasn’t worked for you. Until next time my dear, and remember, you've totally got this.

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